Is 2025 the year of putting friendships first?

When Amrita Hom Ray 37 moved to Mumbai on August 21 2009mdashon her 26th birthdaymdashshe had to build her social support system from scratch Cut to 15 years later and she now has a wide circle of friends and spent New Yearrsquos Eve hopping from one friendrsquos house party to anotherWe know what yoursquore thinking How does she do it In this age of hustle culture living in a city that never sleeps and is all about squeezing maximum productivity from every minute we hear a constant refrain from people about how hard it is to make new friends or even to make the time to hold on to older friendshipsRay is one of those ldquosocialrdquo people blessed with a friends circle that is as large as it is diverse ldquoI am told that Irsquom one of the most social people around and I do know that Irsquod like to maintain a big circlerdquo she tells us over the phoneAmrita Home Ray has been longtime friends with Sahil Jain She grew close to him during the pandemic and has maintained the bond since PicNimesh DaveAs a Mumbaikar born and raised this writer has heard many people often use the adagemdashagar Mumbai ne tumhe apna banaya toh phir kuch nahi bahta if Mumbai accepts as its own then no other city comparesSo whatrsquos Rayrsquos secret How did she go from zero friends in the city to scores of them Ray starts off by breaking the icemdashno matter how different the person in front of her may seemldquoWhen Irsquod tell people that I hail from Asansol they wouldnrsquot be able to place it on the map Even when I told them that my hometown is located in the countryrsquos coal belt it didnrsquot computerdquo says the Khar resident Instead of feeling alienated Ray turned it into a conversation starter ldquoI would ask them lsquoHave you watched the film Gangs of Wasseypurrsquo I would tell them that my home is anhourandahalf away from there People would ooooh and ahhhh and ask me questions like lsquoSo do things happen there the way itrsquos portrayed in the moviersquo It was funny but also a great way to make friendsrdquo adds RayNirav MehtaAnother trick that has held her in good stead is clarity of perspective about how friendships work in the adult world ldquoI might have a big circle but not everybody in it is at the same level of intimacy As an adult you realise that you canrsquot expect any one person to show up for you every single time Itrsquos practically impossible because everyone is attempting to adultrdquo she explainsThe pressures of functioning as an adult in a fastpaced city lifemdashwhich constantly places increasing demands on our time and mental bandwidthmdashhas pushed many selfconfessed hustlers to put friendships on the backburner Instead of hourlong phone calls with the bestie we now unwind to meditation apps that we pay for Friends we once met every day or at least a few times a month now instead keep up with whatrsquos happening in our lives solely by watching our Instagram stories while hearttoheart talks have been replaced by an exchange of reels on social media But nothing can replace the warmth of a conversation or a hug from a friendResearch too has revealed that lack of friendship can wreak devastation on both mental and physical health For example according to the a metaanalysis of surveys across more than three lakh people by Julianne HoltLunstad PhD a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University back in 2010 it came to light that those with no friends or poorquality friendships are twice as likely to die prematurelymdasha risk factor even greater than the effects of smoking 20 cigarettes per dayClockwise Nikita Rakshe Chinmay Nevase Meet Shah Jay Gandhi Pratik Bhayani and Shirin Malshe PicAnurag AhireAnd a lot of millennials now are feeling the heat from pushing away their support system of friendsAs we step into 2025 a lot of conversation has been centred around friendships and how people are now reconnecting with old friends in an effort to rekindle their social circlesAlso ReadFriendship Day 2024 lsquoWe have been friends for over 60 yearsrsquo Mumbaikars share heartwarming stories of timeless bondsNikita Rakshe 29 is one of those people who reconnected with childhood friends from her building over the last two years Four of them are now her goto guy friends along with a two girlfriends who have once again become her emotional rock ldquoItrsquos not like we had a huge falling out or something but the fact is that when we start working we drifted apart Our 20s became about achieving big career goals and one often needs to put on blinders to achieve themrdquo says RaksheRadhika Dhawan PicAtul Kamble right Kasturi ParadkarIt was last year when Rakshe took a break from a fulltime job as a social media consultant and began to branch out on her own as a content creator that she had more agency over her time So was the reconnect planned or random we ask her ldquoWe just met one day and we initiated a conversation around how I felt that a lot of times many of my friends had not understood just how busy work was for me Sometimes someone would even playfully say that I never had time to meet up and that hurt merdquo she recallsldquoMost of us are around the same age with maybe two to three years between us When the youngest in the group began to work it was then that they understood just how much of our lifemdashespecially in our 20smdashis spent at work We have now moved forward and I think everyone has made a conscious decision to make time for each otherrdquo she addsOne of the friends Rakshe reconnected with is Jay Gandhi a 28yearold Chartered Accountant who was one of the first to move out of the building He now lives in Dahisar ldquoThe reconnection has been so fulfilling for all of us Itrsquos different when you hang out with friends who knew you as a kid before the hustle began You feel like these friends knew you from when you were a fresh slate and they will never judge you There is great comfort in thatrdquo says GandhiA mark of their commitment to rekindling the friendship is that the fabled ldquogroup triprdquo actually made it out of WhatsApp group chats and into reality ldquoLast year we went on our first big trip to Spiti Valleyrdquo says Gandhi ldquoA few years ago Nikita had wanted to go there but had to return midway because of a natural disaster So last year we decided that we would make this happen for her and go along with her It was such a great experiencerdquoNirav Mehta turns 34 this month but itrsquos not just inching closer to 35 that prompted him to rethink his friendships ldquoThe COVID19 pandemic was a great purger of friendships I was ghosted by people from whom I hadnrsquot expected it which hurt It was a bit hurtful But on the other hand my college friends reached out to merdquo says MehtaldquoI had changed colleges in my second year so I often felt like the others in the group were closer as they had been together since the first year But recently there was a gettogether and they invited me I was surprised at first but was happy about the invite I went ahead and met them and it was just a great experiencerdquo adds the Dadar residentMehta went through another major life change in 2021mdashhe got married ldquoWhen you get married keeping up both friendships and a career gets even tougher So you do need to make that extra effort to make time which I have consciously been trying to dordquo he explainsHe recommends showing grace to old friends who may have drifted apart but are now making an effort to reconnect ldquoI donrsquot judge anyone who might have been out of touch and is now trying to reconnect after a decade I think you have to remain open and not take it too personally when friends donrsquot stay in touchmdashthey might be on a journey of their ownrdquo he addsKeeping in touch is all the harder for those who now have children to care for but becoming a mother only served to open Kasturi Paradkarrsquos eyes to the healing and affirming power of female friendshipsldquoI think when wersquore younger we tend to underestimate the importance of centering female friendships Managing friendships gets harder when you get married especially if you have to move cities which is what happens with most women when they get married I moved from Mumbai to Pune a few years ago and then had a babyrdquo recalls the 36yearoldDespite the distance though her friends have remained a strong support system ldquoI honestly donrsquot remember the last time I met my girlfriend but I know that on every New Years Eve they will let me know they are thinking of merdquo she saysIn Pune too she made it a point to surround herself with friends ldquoWhile most of my life revolves around raising my child I have made sure that I have single friends who know what I need Sometimes itrsquos them calling me to say lsquoHey come have a drink with us and yoursquoll feel betterrsquo Other times theyrsquoll give me a reality checkrdquo she saysThese minibreaks with her friends help her recharge so she can go back to the demands of being a mom ldquoA month ago I was in a space where I felt like I just couldnrsquot do it anymore My friend called me to the neighborhood bar and we had drinks She made me stay over at her place made me coffee and breakfast the next morning It was exactly what I neededrdquo recalls ParadkarItrsquos not enough to merely send reels to each other and then claim you are friends she says ldquoI might send reels to some people I work out with at the gym but that is not a substitute for keeping in touch which is what one must do with really good friendsrdquo she addsOf course not all friends contribute to your life positively and Friendships are important to Paradkar but when an equation is not healthy she knows the only things to do is to cut off that toxic friendship ldquoIn some friendships you know that it is not worth your energy Cutting off that friendship may bother me for six months but if Irsquove given that person time to make amends and they still havenrsquot responded I make peace with the fact that itrsquos time to move onrdquo she saysWith most of us trying to balance our careers and friendships how does one do it successfully Radhika Dhawan is a mindset coach whose clientele comprises ambitious men and women whom she helps in manifesting their career goals and then achieving them ldquoPeople donrsquot think of friendship as an important facet Even though it doesnrsquot seem like it friends are the only lsquofamilyrsquo that you can choose and decide to be withrdquo she saysA lot of the fallout among her clients and their friends seems to be because many have checklists going into a friendship ldquoI feel like a lot of people go into friendships with their own checklists and friends donrsquot work that way Not all the people you are friends with are the same So theyrsquore not always going to tick all your boxes and this is something we need to understandmdashas people who want to continue to have friendsmdashotherwise a lot of people will just not have friends At the same time I feel that highly driven people need to find what you call your tribe Right Eventually you find a bunch of people who are equally driven who understand your work who will support you with what yoursquore doing who will push you in the right direction But we should also understand that sometimes people might not have friends who are exactly like themrdquo she addsDhawan predicts that the conversation around friendships in India will get bigger in the next few years ldquoI think we are yet to have the big conversations but I feel like in the next few years we will because we are moving in that direction We are understanding the value of friendship beyond just the daily grind of liferdquo she saysA recent show that seemed to come closest to what many of us feel on the subject is the Sumeet Vyaasdirected web series Raat Jawaan Hai The story is centred around three friendsmdashone man and two womenmdashand how they navigate being firsttime parents as well as their dynamics with their spousesThe series is refreshing for its light storyline a welcome change from the trend of thriller crime or shows that are centred around greed ambition or outmanoeuvring someone ldquoMy wife and I found that whenever we wanted to sit and kick back with a show that we donrsquot have to think too much about we couldnrsquot find itrdquo says Vyaas who himself became a parent recently The Barun Sobti Priya Bapatstarrer has gained quite a following and surprised everyone on how it tackles everyday issues of parenting and careers ldquoA lot of people forget that Mumbai has its own small town culture too We grew up with our building and school friends We still live in those same areas and there is a culture of friendship dear to us The series is an ode to that part of Mumbai the funloving easy friendship and calm company that some of us are lucky enough to retainrdquo adds VyaasldquoPeople have lifelong friendships in Bombay too and know how to treasure themrdquo he says while signing off2XThe risk of premature death in people with no friends or poorquality friendshipsSource Julianne HoltLunstad Brigham Young University 2010